'In Freuds understanding of mental life, 'repetition compulsion' describes the pattern whereby people endlessly repeat patterns of behavior which were difficult or distressing earlier in life'.
The urge of repeating an act can, according to
Freud, be a sign of something unredeemed from the past, which the subject is
not able to recall. Through an unacknowledged repetition, the subject tries to
gain knowledge of the forgotten.
This backwards leasing search for something unknown may be an explanation of my urge for repetition in
my work process and artistic practice - the action or process of recognizing
may give an answer to an unknown question. The time-consuming act of
obsessively repeating actions in my work process seems for me meaningful and
pointless at the same time. It evokes tension and trigger opposing emotions:
tiredness and eagerness, passion and aggression, patience and impatience,
melancholy and ecstasy. The search for the unknown may also activate my artistic desire for creation:
Before a piece is created, I see a closed door. I can enter when I
finish a piece. Behind this door I see a closed door. I can enter when I finish
a piece. Behind this door I see a closed door. I can enter when I finish a
piece. My future pieces are always inspired by the former ones, and I
continue my works because of a desire
to discover ‘the thing’ behind the next door. But there is always an obstacle that prevents me from gaining full
access:
'Repetition compulsion is the manifestation of a certain road that is forever blocked'.
Something keeps us away from the last door – away
from the fact that there may not 'be' a last door or the fact that there may
not 'be' anything behind the last door...
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